How To Forgive When Someone Really Hurts You
Forgiving someone who has caused us or the people we love great pain can be one of the hardest challenges we face in the Christian life.
The Bible’s instructions on forgiving are clear: Eph. 4:32; Luke 6:37; Matt. 18:21-22; Rom. 12:17-21. But without a plan these might only add shame and guilt on top of our pain and anger.
Here’s three practical steps that can help you move toward forgiving.
1. Meditate on Jesus’ example on the cross.
Jesus’ statement from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34) is shocking. He was enduring incredible injustice and pain himself. He knew what his accusers would do to his followers. He also knew how they would lead the Jewish people away from Him and the blessings of his kingdom. Yet he forgave them, even in the face of these incredible evils. Putting (and re-putting) this example on the front of our minds can help us do the same.
2. Meditate on the parable of the unmerciful servant.
In Matt. 18:21-35 Jesus tells a parable of two servants, one forgiven an astronomical debt, who then refuses to forgive a much smaller debt owed to him. The point is to highlight what God has forgiven us, so that we might have the perspective to forgive others. Remind yourself that you are the servant forgiven 10,000 talents.
3. Pray.
Forgiving someone who has wronged us is not a natural choice. It takes a lot of spiritual maturity to follow in Jesus’ steps. If you find that it isn’t in your heart to forgive, don’t despair. But do ask God to transform you. He loves to answer these kinds of prayers.
Forgiving does not mean we continue to give others the opportunity to abuse us, and it may be helpful to visit with a pastor or counselor, or other steps.
However, the greater the injury, these simple, biblical steps become more critical not less. There have been seasons in my own life where constantly reminding myself that I am the servant forgiven 10,000 was the only way to move forward. I pray it helps you as well.